I noticed that I try not to conflict with people, even younger colleagues, but to pour emotions in a conversation with loved ones. Getting acquainted with someone and going on a date, I cannot express a person directly in the face that I do not agree with him or that I do not want to give him my number. It’s easier for me to give a number, to smile in the face, thus giving false hope. And then I ignore his attempts to communicate further.

I know that this is not good, but, firstly, it helps me recover after all relations when men were thrown by men, and, secondly, it helps not to cease to be sweet with live communication on a date, even if I did not like a person at once. Please explain what my desire to please and appeal to others is connected with? How it is fraught and how to work on yourself? After all, at the same time, I know that saying “no” can well, say, at home or at work.

Hello, Lina. Avoiding direct confrontation is possible for various reasons, you mention some of them: “It helps me to recover after all relations, when men were thrown” and “helps not to cease to be sweet with live communication on a date”.

In other words, you maintain relations because it is scary to destroy, interrupt, confront, that is, express aggression. The desire to maintain a relationship

has become a certain base of security. And self -confidence is reinforced by the fact of the existence of partners who are ready to communicate.

Sometimes it is justified and really reasonable, but only if this is your free choice in such situations. But if you want to refuse, but it doesn’t work, we can talk about an internal ban on the manifestation of aggression.

Perhaps this is a story from childhood, from some earlier situation, transferred at the present as a familiar experience. For example, a child really may not be able to withstand an adult or a stronger other, and he decides to give in, keep silent. Perhaps such installations were broadcast in the family.

The analysis and awareness of your individual experience of such situations can identify the cause and process, change the usual action in the present.